For some time now, I have had women come to therapy seeking help for themselves, often citing an increase in feeling "off" most of the time as well as anxiety and/or depression-like symptoms that have appeared very quickly. There is confusion and frustration with wanting to know the cause for this as well as fear and concern for how they feel in their everyday lives. Women often report feeling misunderstood and frustrated at themselves for not having control over their feelings during this time and reporting a marked increase in anger and frustration as a common feeling when this happens. Families and relationships can misunderstand what is happening and a sense of blame came be placed on her to "figure herself out" and find a solution. When she does seek it, medical help often falls short, even today. Due to a lack of study, the routine tests by not up -to-date informed doctors that are ordered don't find a clear answer which leads to more confusion. Being told that nothing is "wrong" and to wait and see leads to further alienation and women often blame themselves for not being able to help what is happening. Often reported is a feeling of lack of acceptance of how she feels and her lack of control of what is happening in her relationships, that there is not the space for the expression of what this is for her which makes her feel more alone and contributes to more depressive-like symptoms. So is it depression? is it anxiety?

 

Often this can be the common experience of the start of perimenopause. The slow increase of forgetfulness, foggy thinking and unable to control mood shifts as she once could, this leads to understandable feelings of confusion and concern. It is a slow progression and is not linked to a clear cause so it can be ignored for years. Years of feeling not herself. Years of feeling unable to control parts of her feelings and behaviour is chaos to both herself and her relationships. This can lead to guilt and shame feelings that make this time all the more difficult and isolating. If a woman is experiencing this and is near or into her 40's this is often the time for the onset of perimenopausal symptoms and there is help here in therapy to help reduce the mood issues and regain your sense of self. If you are feeling some or many of the following: 

​

• anxiety, depression, rage/anger, short patience, irritability, foggy thinking, forgetfulness and memory issues, stammering in a conversation due to not being able to recall word well known to you, weight gain despite doing all the things you normally do to manage this, shortening period cycles, cycles getting heavier, aches and pains in joints, lower libido, difficulty regulating mood, feeling warmer uncomfortably at times and possibly ranging to hot flashes, changes in skin texture and increase in acne, drop in libido, losing hair and body composition changes to name a few. 

​

there is help to be had! You do not have to suffer in this alone. You do not have to "toughen it out" like your mother may have told you she did or as a doctor may have suggested even today. You DO have options and treatments. One that can be incredibly helpful is therapy. I can help pull this apart and help you understand the mood shifts, relationship stresses and misunderstandings that contribute to the experience of this time, regain control and awareness of what is happening for yourself and to provide the language and understanding for your relationships to help their awareness and understanding for what you are going though. This can help give more space and allowance for outbursts and conflicts to not be taken personally and more space for tools and helpful interventions for couples and relationships in your life. I can offer personal and additionally couples therapy as well centred around this topic to help increase education and compassion for this process and to help the partners and relationships know how to manage and care for themselves in this process as well. You do not have to feel as you do today. You can feel better in your own body and learn how to advocate for yourself in the medical system as well to get treatment and attention to the issues you are experiencing. Email me to set up an intro session to see if we both feel we would be a good match to work together. The intro session is 30 mins and is complimentary so I look forward to hearing from anyone who feel this could help them and that wants their experience to change for the better today. 

 

Read on for more info on Perimenopause and Menopause if you would like.  

​

As a woman, it is a certainty that you will eventually go into the process of declining hormones called Perimenopause. This period of time often starts at the age of 40 but can start as early as 35 and lasts on average 8-10 years. This slow lessening of hormones in your body is the lead up to Menopause (marked as occurring by the day that it has been one full calendar year that you have not had one single period cycle). This process up to now has been largely ignored by medicine as an area of interest and study. This left women and the experience they each have with this process largely alone in dealing with it. This was also not spoken widely about in most of society (other than menopause will happen eventually and some sharing of experiences between women of hot flashes, sleepless nights and mood shifts) so most families were unaware of the process starting much earlier than the actual menopause date. This contributes to confusion with the shift in mood, and the many changes that occur well before menopause and the cause of it being very normal. Since it was not widely spoken about, this left women feeling not themselves for a long time, suffering on their own before the medical community could offer any support or help. 

​

Women had to become resourceful to find solutions and what they can do to help themselves through it. The medical community had a very functional approach to this and would often prescribe women antidepressants and symptom management which only addressed a few of the symptoms and left her still to suffer the rest. She had not many options other than to "tough it out" however she was able. This led to negative experiences for most women and the widely reported increase of feeling alone or misunderstood as you feel your way through the changes brought about by this shift.

​

Anyone experiencing this will struggle to some degree as they no longer have their sense of self they had before this shift. That means all women will face many to all of these changes to their every day experience and sense of what is normal for themselves. This can lead to feelings of isolation in relationships, partners feeling hurt and withdrawing from them and can cause confusion and damage for all involved. If families do not know what is happening there can be a tendency to blame the woman for their actions and behaviour and lack compassion and understanding for what monumental shift that is occurring. This can stress and damage relationships during this time which adds to the negative experience of this part of a woman's and family's life. Women and their relationships deserve better and helping educate society is necessary. The medical community is now looking more into this process and studying this to look for understanding and solutions but this has only begun. If this angers or frustrates you, that's understandable. Women are 50% of our population and they have been largely ignored with one of the largest shifts of their lives as a certainty of their lived experiences that includes a suffering that is rarely validated by the medical community. Why wouldn't that be upsetting? The lack of education and understanding contributes to relationship breakdowns and mental health suffering often for all involved. We can change this.

 

In the mental health community there is a large part we can play and I am passionate about lessening the burden on women, improving their experience of themselves and endeavour to help minimize and remove the damage that can happen to their sense of self and their relationships during this time. There is help here. Please reach out to learn more and to book a session to begin feeling better for yourself first and your loved ones as well today. 

​

If you are a partner wanting to understand this more, how you can help and support your partner in this time I offer sessions supporting you and this work as well. Please email me to book a session where we can work together to understand what is happening for her and your own experience as well and how you can change things for the better in your relationship.

 

I work with families as well to educate and help foster good communication habits, increase compassion and add skills for working with one another during this time. As nature's plan often introduces perimenopause for parents and mothers in families right when kids are in their hormonal change years, this can add extra stress in the home as everyone is adjusting to a new way of feeling and lacking the knowledge of what to do and how to approach one another in a helpful, loving and supporting way can be devastating to all involved. The constant conflict and upset feeling of being misunderstood can take a toll on families and that can be helped with some good education of what is happening and the introduction of tools and skills to change the patterns of how everyone is interacting and engaging with each other. This can get better. Email me to set up a family session to start getting things back on a supportive and healthy track. 

​

Rates:

Individual session for 50 min $160

Couples session for 50 min $200

Family session for 50 min $200

 

​